I feel a little bit like I’ve been avoiding this place, lately. Not necessarily on purpose – just, I don’t think I’ve wanted to delve into my subconscious during the past couple of months. Things in there are – dark and kind of bad, right now. Something’s struggling to come to the surface with which I’m not entirely sure I’m prepared to deal. I’m lonely and tired and depressed and constantly second-guessing myself. This doesn’t seem unusual, really. It’s just more intense than it has been in a while. I keep wondering why I’m even trying.
This is, of course, the kind of attitude I’ve spent the past few years trying to fight off. I know those doubts are in there; I even have a decent idea who put them in there – and parents, especially mothers, should fucking know better. I’m tired of fighting, of people taking advantage and calling it caring, and I’m absolutely sick of – just – life, at the moment.
I’m fighting it. I’m weary. I can’t see anything good, right now. I think what I need is a little break… unfortunately, only the privileged class get those. I don’t know what to do.