Education About the Self


This semester I’m taking a class called Applied Psychology in which I have been instructed to treat myself as the patient, and apply each psychological method to my own issues.  It is, at once, quite illuminating and disturbing.

My term paper – shit that came up fast – was on the defense mechanisms I’ve employed throughout my life during difficult times.  This paper, despite the insistence of how likely I would be to procrastinate writing it, was actually very easy to compose.  It took me a week of not very dedicated work to apply each of the 14 defense mechanisms to some aspect of my past, and I, in fact, could think of several examples for some of them – in recent and distant past.  After working on that paper, I thought whatever subject the professor threw at us next would be a piece of proverbial cake – no problem at all!

Now, we’re figuring out our personality types according to several psychologist’s popular opinions of such things… and a spot on Jungian Archetype test result started up some pretty severe anxiety within me.  It’s kind of odd, because I just kept reading and thinking that this is fascinating.  “Yea, that’s right,” and “That explains a lot,” I found myself repeating more and more frequently.  As I read on, I found myself feeling shaky, reverberating from the center of my body outward.  It stole over me like a spider creeping in darkness, and before I realized it, I was gripping my shirt and gasping for air.

The thing is: the results weren’t at all disturbing!  A little surprising?  That they were, yes.  I have a personality type that is best suited, it turns out, to acting and technical careers.  I’m, apparently, best suited to low social and high danger positions… and not as suited to writing (though it’s not unheard of for this personality type to make a living as a writer… it is rare).  I found it enlightening.  I don’t quite know why it gave me anxiety, though.  It seems an unusual physical reaction.

Perhaps my professor will be able to offer some insight when I see him tomorrow.  It’s honestly too bad that I have another class during his only available office hours.

Anyhow, I’m mostly just speculating aloud here, as, one, it was a rather confusing event for me and, two, I haven’t updated in a while.  This post doesn’t seem to have an overarching theme, unlike my others.  Perhaps I’ll work it out in reflection at a later time.

I hope you’re all doing well.  Thank you for reading and have a lovely week!

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3 thoughts on “Education About the Self

  1. Oddly, looking deeply in relection only strengthens us. Anxiety will turn to confidence… I predict. Not because it tells you who you are and will always be, but because it tells you who you have been. When e know where we came from we can more correctly figure out where we are going. In my opinion it is not possible to get where you want to be till you figure out where you are right now. There are a lot of ways to do that but figuring out where and who you have been is a great way to do it.

    • Tatiana says:

      I agree. That’s the main reason I chose to take this class, in the first place, and why I’m taking these theories (and homework assignments) so seriously.

      I don’t want my goals for the future to be derailed by a fear or personality flaw I’ve refused to deal with or recognize within myself. At least… not if I can help it.

      I know there’s always something roiling beneath the surface; I just want to get as much as possible into the open of my conscious mind and, in theory, give myself the best chance possible. ^-^

      • It does not matter (trust me) that there is something roiling inside… it only matters that you acknowledge it as part of you. It is the unrecognized and unknown that put us off kilter.

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