This semester I’m taking a class called Applied Psychology in which I have been instructed to treat myself as the patient, and apply each psychological method to my own issues. It is, at once, quite illuminating and disturbing.
My term paper – shit that came up fast – was on the defense mechanisms I’ve employed throughout my life during difficult times. This paper, despite the insistence of how likely I would be to procrastinate writing it, was actually very easy to compose. It took me a week of not very dedicated work to apply each of the 14 defense mechanisms to some aspect of my past, and I, in fact, could think of several examples for some of them – in recent and distant past. After working on that paper, I thought whatever subject the professor threw at us next would be a piece of proverbial cake – no problem at all!
Now, we’re figuring out our personality types according to several psychologist’s popular opinions of such things… and a spot on Jungian Archetype test result started up some pretty severe anxiety within me. It’s kind of odd, because I just kept reading and thinking that this is fascinating. “Yea, that’s right,” and “That explains a lot,” I found myself repeating more and more frequently. As I read on, I found myself feeling shaky, reverberating from the center of my body outward. It stole over me like a spider creeping in darkness, and before I realized it, I was gripping my shirt and gasping for air.
The thing is: the results weren’t at all disturbing! A little surprising? That they were, yes. I have a personality type that is best suited, it turns out, to acting and technical careers. I’m, apparently, best suited to low social and high danger positions… and not as suited to writing (though it’s not unheard of for this personality type to make a living as a writer… it is rare). I found it enlightening. I don’t quite know why it gave me anxiety, though. It seems an unusual physical reaction.
Perhaps my professor will be able to offer some insight when I see him tomorrow. It’s honestly too bad that I have another class during his only available office hours.
Anyhow, I’m mostly just speculating aloud here, as, one, it was a rather confusing event for me and, two, I haven’t updated in a while. This post doesn’t seem to have an overarching theme, unlike my others. Perhaps I’ll work it out in reflection at a later time.
I hope you’re all doing well. Thank you for reading and have a lovely week!