An End and A Beginning


This is my first blog post here in a while. I honestly just wanted to write something to explain my disappearance sometime around April through this past week, but now that I’m endeavouring to do so, I’m not sure where to begin.

I suppose I should start with the fact that the past two semesters have been hellish on just about every level, as upper level college semesters are likely to be, it seems. I’ve not been happy with my progress or my declared majors, but I thought myself simply burnt out and overworked (since I always take more than a full load of classes as well as working 30+ hours a week to cover the bills). My previous majors were doubled between Creative Writing and Theatre Arts because I simply couldn’t choose between the two.

To top this off, I’d been heeding the advice of so many people who’ve already graduated, thinking that their experience, which out spans my own, was reason enough to listen to them, and had consequently become rather unhappy with my future path and uninspired to work towards it.

Combine all of this with the events of the past semester, and I simply couldn’t handle the regular routines of putting myself out on this site to critique or be critiqued on any level. Not to mention the fact that it was simply too difficult to do more than the bare minimum of any type of work, which is a large part of why I fell off the face of the planet. I will only list what happened during the Spring semester, rather than diving into the details, but it was certainly enough to keep anyone on their toes, to say the least.

First, at the very start of the semester, my dog was diagnose with bladder stones, which had to be surgically removed. The surgery was to cost somewhere in the vicinity of 3K, and I had no idea how I would cover that cost with my job, and there was a complication with my grant money that had me scrambling, as well. So I took up a second job and started a fundraiser for him.

Then, about a month into this, both of my grandmothers were diagnosed with different types of cancer, only one of which lived in the same state as I do. With my dog’s surgery date looming and my classes well past their drop-dates, I couldn’t see a way through to visiting mi abuela in New Mexico, and only had the chance to spend a weekend with my grandmother in California. A week after that, my dog had his surgery, which went well except that his wound got infected the following weekend and I had to rush him to his vet in a panic. The same day, the grandmother I had visited only two weeks before passed away, and the very next week mi abuela went into surgery.

All of this happened sometime between midterms and finals, and to top all of this off, two of my professors had two separate midterms and term papers in addition to the end of semester exams, which were tricky to keep up with as they both scheduled them to be due around the same weeks.

Mi abuela in New Mexico is still healing well, and is healthy enough to be back to her bickering about our family there so I’m relieved that she’s recovering and hopeful that I’ll get to see her many more times before she does pass. My dog is doing well also, long since healed from his surgery and fully adjusted to the new diet that will, hopefully, prevent the need for such a thing, ever again. I am still trying to find ways of paying off what remains of his surgery bill, as I could not raise the entirety of the funds, which is going to be interesting with the Fall semester beginning in just over a week.

I don’t know how I made it through that semester, to be honest. I’m relieved and annoyed with myself for dissolving so much that I actually failed a class just because I wrote down a date incorrectly, causing me to miss the class final. There was no making it up, and all my work for that class was just lost. In fact, I’d given up writing entirely until about a week ago because I’d had no interest or desire to attempt to be creative in any way.

Moving forward, I’m actually planning to drop my Creative Writing major and become more active and serious about my Theatre Arts major. This seems a strange thing for a writer to say, perhaps, but I realized that I can write and am happy writing just about anywhere. I don’t need training to do it, just a crap-ton of practice. Every writing class I’ve every taken in college has been about me finding my own process and structure in writing, particularly because I’m a discovery writer and we already tend to wind our own paths through the world of storytelling.

Additionally, if I want to pursue Theatre Arts (and acting, specifically), I need to be more serious about it, which means auditioning for the school in London that everyone around me has been trying to talk me out of doing for the past year or so. Yes, I know it’ll be expensive. Yes, I know it’ll be difficult to get into. Yes, I know it’s another country and that there are lots of good acting schools here. However, I also know that our acting schools don’t breach the top three, whereas the school I want to go to is number one in the world. It’s already an unlikely career choice so I might as well give myself the best chance I can to achieve it, which means attending the best, or at least one of the top three, acting school(s).

This doesn’t mean I’m done writing – far from it, in fact. Since making that decision, I’ve had so many ideas for writing and characters. I resumed roleplaying, which I find relaxing and exciting, at the same time. It’s the collaborative storytelling that I really enjoy. That’s the part of acting I can’t let go of, as well, I’ve discovered, and I really wish it was a simple matter to find a collaborative partner with whom to write as it is to find acting partners. I suppose in both areas it can be difficult to find a decent partner with whom one has some level of chemistry, who is also dependable and dedicated, but then again… no one ever said art was easy.

The new semester begins in a week, and I will certainly be doing my best to remain active here or, at the very least, continue with my current, unfinished novel-writing endeavours. Not knowing what the new semester will hold, I cannot guarantee that I will be able to resume my previous levels of activity, but I will certainly try.

So here’s hoping a new semester will bring less burdens and more challenges, yes? Thank you for reading through that arduous journey through the past year of my life, and I hope you have a lovely day.

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