I’ve Lost My Drive

So anyone I’ve talked to about my studies or my future will tell you that I’m very passionate.  I know for a fact that I’m determined, a hard worker, and someone who just doesn’t give up.  Lately, however, I just haven’t been able to care about anything on my to-do list.  

I’ve been questioning my path since this year began… I don’t know what to do.  I feel as though I’m in a kind of limbo… and what’s worse is that I honestly don’t care.  

To Act or Not To Act

This has been my recent consideration: do I continue to pursue acting the way that I had planned, or do I get a more reasonable degree and just act in my spare time.  I have to consider this quite logically, even though the reasoning might not be all that logical.

Pros:

  • I love acting.
  • Acting makes me happy when I have good partners.
  • I have never felt more fulfilled in my life, except when working toward figure skating goals.
  • Theatre holds people who understand me, who I understand, and with whom I mesh quite well.

Cons:

  • Some of the worst people in my life have come from acting.
  • Some of the worst betrayals I’ve experienced have been as a result of these above individuals.
  • It’s a lot of work (not that I entirely mind that, just that you don’t get paid for most of said work).
  • It’s a lot of time.
  • I’m not likely to make a lot of money doing it, barring extreme circumstances.

The reason I’m making these lists:

I’m currently still debating between two focuses for my major in college: Theatre Arts and Creative Writing.  I love both, I’m not sure I can decide between them.  However, I recently considered the possibility of getting a minor in Accounting.  Would it be completely impossible to double-major, as well as minor?  Also, if I go to school for Creative Writing with a minor in Accounting, would I still be able to attend a master’s program in acting across the pond, or would that be out of the question if my major and minor were no longer theatre-related?

These are all things I’m currently considering…and I don’t currently have any answers, yet.  Finals are accosting me, and I have less than two weeks to pack up an entire room, donate what I no longer need and what won’t fit in my new place, and move.  My body has about had it, I’m mentally exhausted and have been for months.  I need some time and space to think, and don’t know when I’ll get it.

Apologies to anyone who has read this expecting some kind of semblance of sanity, or a reasonable conclusion, I can currently offer you neither.  However, I am hoping that someone may be able to offer me one or other of the above listed endings that I may at least consider them.

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day.

Lost Interest

I’m at a stand-still.  I’m honestly not sure what to do about it.  I have officially hit a point in my life (semester/year/what-have-you) where I am too tired to have an interest in anything.  I can’t tell if I’m simply depressed, or if I’m entirely unable to catch up on the sleep I have lost myself during this semester.  I have no desire to do anything.  I don’t want to watch television, write, design, act, workout… nothing.  The only thing that gives me a faint stirring within is the possibility of continuing to listen to an audiobook series that I recently picked up, and even that makes me want to simply curl up on my bed and lie there to listen, rather than doing anything whatsoever as someone else reads me a story.

It’s bleak for me.  I ALWAYS want to do something.  I have so many interests that it’s often difficult to balance them all out, or prioritize between them.  So this lapse is not only strange, but a little defeating.  What is going on with me?  Until I figure this out, I’m just going to hope that it soon dissipates, one way or another.